Love Letter

We laughed together. This is what I like to remember.

I loved it when you came to my house and we passed hours giving each other a massage, having a warm bath together, or making love. I loved it when you were soft and your kiss tasted of love, and when you took me and made me experience the wildest side of my human nature. I loved it when we would play-fight and giggle and laugh until our stomachs ached and we collapsed in embrace. I loved it when I would go run an errand and come home to find you at the cooker, making us a dinner, and then we would talk for hours about anything under the sun.

And sometimes it tasted bitter too, and tears would crawl across my face while your frustration would vent in anger. We might have fought back in anger, but really we were covering the sadness that we were not loving each other, and being loved.

And our own pain made us forget what we could give to each other.

And now our ways are parted.

Although it might appear easier to forget the sweet memories and just feel the relief of no more bitter emotions, I prefer to remember the times when we shared such beautiful energy and connection. I feel grateful for the whole experience I was able to share with you and it makes every tear worth having fallen because I cannot separate the desireable from the undesireable... it was all part of knowing you and sharing with you, and you remain special to me.

It is a beautiful gift to be able to remember you in this way, and it is possible only because of the connection we share and how much affection we continue to feel for each other.

I miss you, and I know you miss me too, however letting go of each other was itself an act of love: for love of our selves as for love of the other. We have been a remarkable reflection for each other, and now it is time to find the love in ourselves that we were searching for in the other, for only when we truly have love can we truly share it.

In this part of our journeys, while we walk separate paths that may lead us afar, may our hearts remain warm with sweet thoughts of each other. When we long for each other we can connect to the warmth of the experience we shared and the gratitude of how we have grown together because of it, and bless each other's course in life as we are blessed by a trust that if, by Grace, there is more we will to share in the course of time, then it shall Be.

Well-wisher, friend, lover... whichever one the future holds for us, we can smile in the knowledge that after all is said and done, in some way I love you (and you love me too).  

Look into my eyes...

Let me enter the gates of your soul
And see you naked in every sense;
Let me witness your raw essence
With full awareness and presence.

I want to learn what makes you fly,
Your joys, your fears, what makes you cry.
Of me, those things may you discover -
No need to hide in any lie.

I long to trust and feel trusted;
Communication transparent;
Deep authentic experiences;
Understanding, respect, acceptance.

To know real love, spiritual love.

No "ever after" guarantee -
Just allow a deep connection be;
Discover ourselves intensely
And leave the dark... our light to see.

The journey is so beautiful;
Destination doesn't matter.

Let me enter the gates of your soul...

Nataraj Ananda Tandava

If I can't see
The Universe inside of Me,
Still I know it's there...
I've heard that somewhere,
And there were moments when I could feel it.

When I see you
I see It shining in your eyes;
See through Its disguise -
Undressed of illusion,
The Self is awake in a fresh, new dawn.

In this moment,
The marriage of Past and Present,
We draw the Future -
Select the colour
From the palette of possibility...

Then dance with love!
The sounds are coming from above;
Coming from within.
Flute notes emerge from AUM...
Observe the Great Dancer perform!

Oh dance in love!
Witness joy united as One
Though we're not the same.
Yet it's just a game -
The dance and Dancer are inseparable.

Microcosmic dances, a variety,
Expressing unity in diversity
Within the Absolute Choreography.

By Melanie Drury

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Fritzof Capra beautifully relates Nataraj's dance with modern physics in his article The Dance of Shiva: The Hindu View of Matter in the Light of Modern Physics, and then in The Tao of Physics.

He says, "Every subatomic particle not only performs an energy dance, but also is an energy dance; a pulsating process of creation and destruction... without end. For the modern physicists, Shiva's dance is the dance of subatomic matter. As in Hindu mythology, it is a continual dance of creation and destruction involving the whole cosmos; the basis of all existence and of all natural phenomena."

Exploring a deeper understanding of quantum theory, in TheBigView it is told:

"In quantum physics the observer is no longer external and neutral, but by choosing what to observe in a given experiment, will effect the results of the experiment. Through the act of measurement he becomes himself a part of observed reality. This marks the end of the neutrality of the experimenter.

"Heisenberg believes that reality is what can be observed - if there are different observations, there must be different realities, which depend on the observer. Meanwhile, Einstein clearly believes in a reality independent of what we can observe. This supports philosopher Kant's view that, 'Reality is by itself and for itself.'

"Contemplating the subatomic realm seems like a Zen exercise. We have to realise that in spite of the different parts and components, the subatomic world in actuality is an undivided whole, where even the boundary between the observer and the observed is blurred. Object and subject have become inseparable, spatial and temporal detachment is an illusion.

"All things are intertwined and interdependent to an unfathomable degree, just as the particles in an atom are. Although the electrons in an atom can be thought of as individual particles, they are not really individual particles, because of the complicated wave relations that exist between them... thus, in the multiplicity of things there is unity."

And what are we, but subatomic particles of the Greater One, moving together in a Divine Dance?

We will never walk alone...

"Happy happy joy joy" I wrote some days back in my facebook status. Within minutes it was tagged with many "likes" and even a few happy comments. People love to share happiness. But are they equally quick to share difficult times?

Several years ago, while backpacking through India, I was sitting in the clothes shop belonging to an Indian friend of mine. The small town of Gokarna was frequented by tourists so when a young French woman walked into the shop, I paused the conversation with my friend to allow him to do his business.

The girl looked a little withdrawn, and when she saw me there she hesitated. Latif attempted to introduce us... apparently she had been in there before. I smiled but did not attempt to make conversation.

She left quickly, with Latif telling her to pass by again for a cup of tea later.

Then he turned to me and looking me in the eyes, questioningly, he said, "You people are strange!"

What was this about now?

He continued, "If Maya walk in shop with smiling you sure to be smiling also, and want friendship. But she sad and you only polite and not care for that."

I was startled by his straight-out observation. He was right, of course, although I'd never have thought about this instinctive reaction of mine.

He added, "In Indian culture if sister looking sad we are asking what help can give. Why you not ask her if she need help?"

I reacted, "Well, I don't know her... she might feel like I was invading her space if I asked her troubles. Normally in our culture we do not like to talk about our problems with others unless they are very close to us."

That was not quite a satisfactory reason, as far as he was concerned. "Nobody want to talk about problem because nobody want to listen. I know you people, I see you every day for many years."

I knew Latif was not judging me. Rather he was making me aware of our cultural norms which were rather inhuman in his eyes!

Later in the day I was sitting in a restaurant for some lunch. Maya walked in. She looked as withdrawn as she appeared earlier. I waved to her and invited her to sit with me. She came. I began light conversation, now more conscious of her need for affection though unaware of the reason why. I soon learned.

She loosened up very quickly and poured out her life story - about being raised by an unloving aunt when her mother left her, and living with the constant bullying by her female cousins... so many difficulties she has had to face in her short life. She was only 19, and fleeing to India was to her the last hope she had to escape from her world and find something different. But she discovered that she was carrying the weight of that world with her. It did not make a difference where she was because of how she was feeling inside.

I was surprised at this outpour of such intimate details of her life. I remembered Latif's words, "Nobody want to talk about problem because nobody want to listen." What an important lesson life was presenting me today!

I decided I wanted to give Maya my friendship, regardless of what she was able to give me. Day after day we met and spent time together. In this relationship I was consciously taking the role of the giver, but in reality, by this experience I received more than I could have imagined.

A couple of days before we were due to part ways and proceed on our journeys, Maya and I were walking on the beach under the light of the moon. We were playing about and giggling as we made our way back to our beach huts, which were not far from each other. Suddenly, she just turned around to face me and, becoming very serious, she said, "All the women in my life have given me nothing but suffering, but you have changed that for me!" Her eyes penetrated me deeply.

As I looked back into her eyes, I could have sworn that I could see her face changing forms. Perhaps it was the shadows from the moonlight, or perhaps it was too much oxygen in my brain from all the giggling, or perhaps it was her energy changing so suddenly that it was strangely visible - or maybe all those things put together or maybe it was something else. I don't know.

But what came to my mind was how, according to Hindu mythology, the name Maya refers to the illusory material energy, which is considered to be feminine, and how this aspect of divinity is said to manifest itself in so many different forms... and I remembered the Indian "Paramatma" philosophy whereby it is told that divinity pervades everything. The Divine was manifest within Maya yet I had not realised that until now.

“I owed it to you,” I said. “Thank you for what you have changed in me.”

The illusion is that we are separated from each other and thus we all live on our own individual mental planets. The unifying factor is love.

If only we could see how we were all connected on the absolute divine plane, it would be so much easier for love to flow naturally regardless of whether the divine Self was being expressed as a tree, a fish, a bird, an animal or another human being. That was what came to my mind.

It is that same feeling of separatedness, caused by the false identification of the ego, that makes us feel alone in our miseries. Admitting our short-comings or our fears feels like admitting defeat in a world where all are taught to strive for the control, power, wealth and fame that belong only to the Absolute.

However, as a friend pointed out, dwelling on our problems and in our expression of them may also be egotistic. Indeed, but perhaps this is born of a feeling of fumbling alone, which nourishes a desperate and forceful need to reach out: Is there anybody out there?

The curtain will some day be lifted and we will never walk alone....

The Power of Association

Energy cannot be created and it cannot be destroyed, but it can be transferred, and transformed, right?

We continuously exchange energy with anyone, anything and everything we come into contact with, whether on a gross or subtle level. From a hug to a handshake, to catching another's eye or a passing thought, from the level of matter to the plane of consciousness, energy is moving through, pervading and influencing the balance of positive and negative.

Good association is everything.


If we associate with godly people who vibrate at higher frequencies; if by their association we are driven to perform good and selfless actions and to have pure thoughts, in an environment free from contamination, our own frequency is likely to adapt accordingly. The opposite is also true.

Live with the gods and become like a god; live with the dogs and become like a dog. But am I drawn to gods or dogs?

"Each soul projects a magnetic force according to its level of development, and we can observe this in our human interactions....

"The awakened soul, aware of its divine mission of Self-realisation, has an entirely wholesome magnetic force, while an unevolved soul may project a strong ego energy which also has its own sort of magnetism. We all gravitate towards that with which our soul has affinity. We draw to us people and circumstances that are in harmony with our soul and type of manifestation that it is seeking."

Thus it is stated by Dr David Frawley, in his book Yoga & Ayurveda - Self-Healing and Self-Realisation (Pgs 70-72), based on the Samkhya philosophy of the sage Kapila, from whence they spring. Ayurveda, the 'Science of Life' born of the timeless Indian Vedic knowledge, claims that the soul's magnetism is: a power of life - a current of energy that is generated by the magnetic force of the soul; a power of light - a power of insight, wisdom and understanding; and a power of love. Hence the soul is known as Sat-Chit-Ananda or Being-Consciousness-Bliss.

"As we evolve spiritually, the Godward magnetised soul draws to itself divine influences - deities, teachers or experiences - to aid its inner unfoldment. Our soul's magnetism, which is its power of love, brings us into various relationships and links us with other souls who further our soul quality and help us grow.

"The power of soul magnetism is the basis of the yogic emphasis of the guru (spiritual teacher) and satsanga (communion with the wise).

"Yet sometimes the soul draws us to people or situations that test it and challenge its growth as well, just as an advanced mountain climber will seek difficult slopes to climb."

All Risk, No Gain

Only when faced with the critical decision of 'All risk, No gain' does the degree of love and dedication become apparant.

I surprise even myself by how much I love you.

For you I may lose my reputation, and the affection of my family and those I have considered my friends. The place I have considered my home may thus become estranged to me. But none of it really matters. All I care about is that I should not see a frown on your beautiful, moon-like face.

I stand to lose everything to provide what you require. I am willing to make this sacrifice without a moment's consideration; there is no question - if this is the necessity, I consider it my duty and I will execute it with my deepest affection and without a tinge of remorse. Whatever I should stand to lose, it is actually worthless, because you are my all in all.

But if in trying to serve you I also stand to lose your affection? Then still I must make my attempt to serve your benefit, though I may die of a broken heart in the process.

Mother and child; Romeo and Juliet; Guru and disciple; God and devotee... untainted love.

In Indian tradition we give honour by placing our head at the feet of a respected person, whereas placing our own feet over the head of a person is considered an offense to them. The Vedic scriptures utilise this custom to present some fine examples of the highest degrees of self-forgetfulness in the name of love, the highest spiritual ideal.

In the Srimad Bhagavatam we find the Supreme Lord Krsna as a cowherd boy, feigning a headache. He is claiming that only the footdust of his devotees can cure him. Nobody wants to offer their footdust for Krsna's head, fearing eternal hell as a result of this great offensive action. But the Braja-Gopis, the milk damsels, do not care for that, "We do not know if we are devotees, but take it!" Their only consideration is that their beloved Krishna's headache is gone and that he is feeling happy again.

Again in the Chaitanya Charitamrta we find that when the golden Avatar Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu fell asleep in the doorway, his personal servant Govinda stepped over his Lord to massage his feet and thus render service, but not again to leave the room in order to appease his own hunger and satisfy his tongue and belly.

We are as safe as we are sincere... because love is above mercy, and mercy is above justice. And true Love knows no separate, localised interest.

Money Can't Buy Me Love

What to do when, gone to the roof to take your washing off the line, you find it on the ground covered in grime, black fingerprints and white, woolly monkey-hair????


The gits have had a whale of a time playfighting with my underwear... grrr! Okay, granted, I'm not really angry... more just like: OH WHAT TO DO?! Like when a kid does something naughty, and it's 20% frustrating and 80% endearing!

But this episode leads me to contemplate the things one could take forgranted. While I'm happy to be in India, and would not choose to be anywhere else at this point in time, I find myself momentarily appreciating more than usual that land with automatic washing machines and no pesky monkeys, which I usually call home. In fact, that place has so much material comfort...

* Glass on windows - especially when it's 10 degrees outside and you want to bathe!
* Hot water in a tap, or simply running water! (But you learn to love the dodgy immersion heater, honest.)
* Electricity, 24 hours a day!
* Shops having fixed timings, or the 'closed day' being on a fixed day of the week, no matter where you are. Did I mention finding the shop-keeper ready to serve you rather than napping on the floor of his shop?
* Really good pizza!!! :-S

Well, the list goes on... but why bore you with reminders of the material oppulence of the West? It might even give one the wrong idea that I may be of the opinion that those things really matter.

Because when I have all these things, I miss so much of MY India, this other place I also call home. But it is not anything superficial, like the plentiness of vegetarian food, or the natural balance of humans co-existing with nature, that really attracts me.

It is because, as a wise Indian sage once said, 'Western materialism is like a blind man while Indian spirituality is like the lame man: the former has a fit body but cannot see the best way to utilise it, while the latter has all the wisdom available to mankind but not the means to utilise it to its full potential.'

But if we place the one who can see on the shoulders of the one who can walk...?

In India, what we tend to see as strengths (money, power, women, name and fame) are considered the weakness and downfall of a man. I recently heard this story about a village named Satya, meaning Truth. All its inhabitants always told the truth.

Once a traveller came by. He came across one man who owned much property and land. The traveller asked, "How much money do you have in the bank?" The man replied, 7,000 Rupees (100 Euro). The traveller stared in disbelief, but said nothing.

Next he came across a man who was surrounded by his grandchildren. There were ten of them, all between the age of three and six years. "How many children do you have?" asked the traveller. "Only one," replied the old man. Again the traveller stared in disbelief, but said nothing.

Then the traveller came across an old man chanting mantras on his Japa-beads, and asked him, "How old are you?" The man replied, "Only twenty years old, my friend, only twenty years."

The traveller walked away, bewildered. He thought, "This is the village of Satya, yet all its inhabitants seem to be liars!" One man had observed all this, and called him to his side.

"That first man, he has much money but only recently has he offered his first 7,000 Rupees to the Temple for charity, so he considers that that is the only money he has well-invested.

"The second man has nine sons, but only one has become a monk, dedicating his life to the search of God, therefore he considers that that is the only valuable son he has.

"The third man is seventy years old, but only twenty years ago did he take initiation into spiritual practice, therefore he considers his previous fifty years wasted."

This is the sort of fairytale an Indian grandad would tell his grandchildren by the chimney fire on Christmas Eve (assuming that they had a chimney fire and were celebrating Christmas at all), hoping to educate them regarding what really matters in life.

I like to return here, to remember just that, what being human is about.

We all know that money can't buy you love, or life itself. So why place so much importance on that stuff that gets you stuff, or the stuff itself? If we cannot share deep-rooted affection with others, what use is a gift parcelled in a pretty bow?

I feel fortunate to be currently living in a community of people who aspire for these same ideals. This community is home to Indians, yes, but also many Westerners who have experienced how disappointing Western culture can be, blinded by its mountains of things that surround it. The residents of the community aspire to serve the environment, not to exploit it - there is enough of that going on already.

Adjustment to the right angle of vision is what will allow us to perceive Beauty everywhere... to see the monkeys as endearing instead of reaching for the pellet gun (if I had one!) Furthermore, seeing beauty everywhere is what makes a person beautiful, not anything skin-deep.

PS. So I happily live without my washing machine if this is the small price I have to pay...!

Variegatedness

"Bhakta-Chitra!"

So spontaneously these words sprung from your mouth, without even knowing of their existence let alone their meaning. I was stunned.

You were just fumbling, trying to recall the name of that great book of transcendental knowledge that was recorded in the written word more than 5000 years ago in India, the Bhagavad Gita. During our frequent long discussions on religious philosophy, searching for the possible Golden Thread that might unite such different creeds as Achintya Bheda-Abheda Tattva - a school of Vedanta presenting the philosophy of the inconceivable oneness and difference of God and Creation - and Islam, I had mentioned this book and the wisdom it contains on several occasions.

Yet now you said something else, my Algerian friend, words you didn't know but that I recognised as Sanskrit, although their meaning I wasn't really sure of. 

Curious about this seemingly transcendental message, I went about investigating their significance the first opportunity I had. This is what I found:

भक्त bhakta adj. devote

भक्त bhakta adj. faithful

भक्त bhakta adj. devoted

भक्त bhakta m. devotee

चित्र citra adj. strange

चित्र citra adj. wonderful

चित्र citra adj. diversified

चित्र citra adj. various

चित्र citra adj. manifold

चित्र citra adj. in different ways

चित्र citra adj. bright

चित्र citra adj. bright colored

चित्र citra adj. variegated

चित्र citra n. vestige

चित्र citra n. picture

The message that was coming through with those two little words was mind-blowing.

Various types of devotees, variegated faiths, a manifold of different ways of being devoted to the Lord... all creating a strange yet wonderful brightly-coloured picture. 

And we could say that the whole picture, or absolute vision, is that there is variety to enable different kinds of people with different kinds of consciousness to have different kinds of relationship with the One Supreme Absolute. 

In Subjective Evolution of Consciousness, Swami BR Sridhar explains it as such:

"Revealed Truth is distributed in installments according to the capacity of the peaple of the time, place and circumstance. The revealed truth is found in varying degrees in the Bible, the Koran, the Vedas, and the other scriptures of the world. Through this process, the truth is partially revealed in different places of the world in proportion to the thinking and capacity of each particular group of people. The revealed truth is reliable, but still it is modified to fit the persons to whom it is extended. For that reason we find differences in the different versions of the revealed truth. It is said in the Srimad Bhagavatam that medicine may be hidden within candy to treat children. In the same way, the revealed truth may be hidden within the mundane concessions of ordinary religion to help the ignorant class of men."

Nobody is left out, such Love!

Then what by Bhakta Chitra? – The reminder that there is, ultimately, a non-sectarian conception of God, Love and Devotion... and it came through an almost other-worldly message.