Love Letter

We laughed together. This is what I like to remember.

I loved it when you came to my house and we passed hours giving each other a massage, having a warm bath together, or making love. I loved it when you were soft and your kiss tasted of love, and when you took me and made me experience the wildest side of my human nature. I loved it when we would play-fight and giggle and laugh until our stomachs ached and we collapsed in embrace. I loved it when I would go run an errand and come home to find you at the cooker, making us a dinner, and then we would talk for hours about anything under the sun.

And sometimes it tasted bitter too, and tears would crawl across my face while your frustration would vent in anger. We might have fought back in anger, but really we were covering the sadness that we were not loving each other, and being loved.

And our own pain made us forget what we could give to each other.

And now our ways are parted.

Although it might appear easier to forget the sweet memories and just feel the relief of no more bitter emotions, I prefer to remember the times when we shared such beautiful energy and connection. I feel grateful for the whole experience I was able to share with you and it makes every tear worth having fallen because I cannot separate the desireable from the undesireable... it was all part of knowing you and sharing with you, and you remain special to me.

It is a beautiful gift to be able to remember you in this way, and it is possible only because of the connection we share and how much affection we continue to feel for each other.

I miss you, and I know you miss me too, however letting go of each other was itself an act of love: for love of our selves as for love of the other. We have been a remarkable reflection for each other, and now it is time to find the love in ourselves that we were searching for in the other, for only when we truly have love can we truly share it.

In this part of our journeys, while we walk separate paths that may lead us afar, may our hearts remain warm with sweet thoughts of each other. When we long for each other we can connect to the warmth of the experience we shared and the gratitude of how we have grown together because of it, and bless each other's course in life as we are blessed by a trust that if, by Grace, there is more we will to share in the course of time, then it shall Be.

Well-wisher, friend, lover... whichever one the future holds for us, we can smile in the knowledge that after all is said and done, in some way I love you (and you love me too).  

Look into my eyes...

Let me enter the gates of your soul
And see you naked in every sense;
Let me witness your raw essence
With full awareness and presence.

I want to learn what makes you fly,
Your joys, your fears, what makes you cry.
Of me, those things may you discover -
No need to hide in any lie.

I long to trust and feel trusted;
Communication transparent;
Deep authentic experiences;
Understanding, respect, acceptance.

To know real love, spiritual love.

No "ever after" guarantee -
Just allow a deep connection be;
Discover ourselves intensely
And leave the dark... our light to see.

The journey is so beautiful;
Destination doesn't matter.

Let me enter the gates of your soul...

Energy Bubble

I know exactly how I'm feeling but I dont know exactly what you're feeling, I'm just guessing... and when I am sending that energy signal based on my guess, your reaction, body language and words are received and interpreted by me so that is creating another thought impulse, electricity, energy...

And all the while, at the same time, you are having your own experience on your end, you are experiencing your own reality, your own interpretation of what is, so that what is being created between us is an electrical vibe, a ball of energy which is powered by positive or negative charge depending on our positive or negative thoughts...



And so our shared experience created by our interaction as a pair is the relationship we have, and we create it by our own thoughts - our own understanding, our own creativity, our own experience - in every moment.

I am aware that I am always, solely and completely, responsible for my thoughts and emotions and the vibes I create, and you yours, and together, we ours...

So if we can be aware of this, if at any moment one of us slips into a negative ego, and it is going a way that does not feel good, we can change it in an instant, just by a change of mind... it can be that easy, that simple.

It is that easy and that simple.

What I think, so I create, moment by moment.

We will never walk alone...

"Happy happy joy joy" I wrote some days back in my facebook status. Within minutes it was tagged with many "likes" and even a few happy comments. People love to share happiness. But are they equally quick to share difficult times?

Several years ago, while backpacking through India, I was sitting in the clothes shop belonging to an Indian friend of mine. The small town of Gokarna was frequented by tourists so when a young French woman walked into the shop, I paused the conversation with my friend to allow him to do his business.

The girl looked a little withdrawn, and when she saw me there she hesitated. Latif attempted to introduce us... apparently she had been in there before. I smiled but did not attempt to make conversation.

She left quickly, with Latif telling her to pass by again for a cup of tea later.

Then he turned to me and looking me in the eyes, questioningly, he said, "You people are strange!"

What was this about now?

He continued, "If Maya walk in shop with smiling you sure to be smiling also, and want friendship. But she sad and you only polite and not care for that."

I was startled by his straight-out observation. He was right, of course, although I'd never have thought about this instinctive reaction of mine.

He added, "In Indian culture if sister looking sad we are asking what help can give. Why you not ask her if she need help?"

I reacted, "Well, I don't know her... she might feel like I was invading her space if I asked her troubles. Normally in our culture we do not like to talk about our problems with others unless they are very close to us."

That was not quite a satisfactory reason, as far as he was concerned. "Nobody want to talk about problem because nobody want to listen. I know you people, I see you every day for many years."

I knew Latif was not judging me. Rather he was making me aware of our cultural norms which were rather inhuman in his eyes!

Later in the day I was sitting in a restaurant for some lunch. Maya walked in. She looked as withdrawn as she appeared earlier. I waved to her and invited her to sit with me. She came. I began light conversation, now more conscious of her need for affection though unaware of the reason why. I soon learned.

She loosened up very quickly and poured out her life story - about being raised by an unloving aunt when her mother left her, and living with the constant bullying by her female cousins... so many difficulties she has had to face in her short life. She was only 19, and fleeing to India was to her the last hope she had to escape from her world and find something different. But she discovered that she was carrying the weight of that world with her. It did not make a difference where she was because of how she was feeling inside.

I was surprised at this outpour of such intimate details of her life. I remembered Latif's words, "Nobody want to talk about problem because nobody want to listen." What an important lesson life was presenting me today!

I decided I wanted to give Maya my friendship, regardless of what she was able to give me. Day after day we met and spent time together. In this relationship I was consciously taking the role of the giver, but in reality, by this experience I received more than I could have imagined.

A couple of days before we were due to part ways and proceed on our journeys, Maya and I were walking on the beach under the light of the moon. We were playing about and giggling as we made our way back to our beach huts, which were not far from each other. Suddenly, she just turned around to face me and, becoming very serious, she said, "All the women in my life have given me nothing but suffering, but you have changed that for me!" Her eyes penetrated me deeply.

As I looked back into her eyes, I could have sworn that I could see her face changing forms. Perhaps it was the shadows from the moonlight, or perhaps it was too much oxygen in my brain from all the giggling, or perhaps it was her energy changing so suddenly that it was strangely visible - or maybe all those things put together or maybe it was something else. I don't know.

But what came to my mind was how, according to Hindu mythology, the name Maya refers to the illusory material energy, which is considered to be feminine, and how this aspect of divinity is said to manifest itself in so many different forms... and I remembered the Indian "Paramatma" philosophy whereby it is told that divinity pervades everything. The Divine was manifest within Maya yet I had not realised that until now.

“I owed it to you,” I said. “Thank you for what you have changed in me.”

The illusion is that we are separated from each other and thus we all live on our own individual mental planets. The unifying factor is love.

If only we could see how we were all connected on the absolute divine plane, it would be so much easier for love to flow naturally regardless of whether the divine Self was being expressed as a tree, a fish, a bird, an animal or another human being. That was what came to my mind.

It is that same feeling of separatedness, caused by the false identification of the ego, that makes us feel alone in our miseries. Admitting our short-comings or our fears feels like admitting defeat in a world where all are taught to strive for the control, power, wealth and fame that belong only to the Absolute.

However, as a friend pointed out, dwelling on our problems and in our expression of them may also be egotistic. Indeed, but perhaps this is born of a feeling of fumbling alone, which nourishes a desperate and forceful need to reach out: Is there anybody out there?

The curtain will some day be lifted and we will never walk alone....

The Power of Association

Energy cannot be created and it cannot be destroyed, but it can be transferred, and transformed, right?

We continuously exchange energy with anyone, anything and everything we come into contact with, whether on a gross or subtle level. From a hug to a handshake, to catching another's eye or a passing thought, from the level of matter to the plane of consciousness, energy is moving through, pervading and influencing the balance of positive and negative.

Good association is everything.


If we associate with godly people who vibrate at higher frequencies; if by their association we are driven to perform good and selfless actions and to have pure thoughts, in an environment free from contamination, our own frequency is likely to adapt accordingly. The opposite is also true.

Live with the gods and become like a god; live with the dogs and become like a dog. But am I drawn to gods or dogs?

"Each soul projects a magnetic force according to its level of development, and we can observe this in our human interactions....

"The awakened soul, aware of its divine mission of Self-realisation, has an entirely wholesome magnetic force, while an unevolved soul may project a strong ego energy which also has its own sort of magnetism. We all gravitate towards that with which our soul has affinity. We draw to us people and circumstances that are in harmony with our soul and type of manifestation that it is seeking."

Thus it is stated by Dr David Frawley, in his book Yoga & Ayurveda - Self-Healing and Self-Realisation (Pgs 70-72), based on the Samkhya philosophy of the sage Kapila, from whence they spring. Ayurveda, the 'Science of Life' born of the timeless Indian Vedic knowledge, claims that the soul's magnetism is: a power of life - a current of energy that is generated by the magnetic force of the soul; a power of light - a power of insight, wisdom and understanding; and a power of love. Hence the soul is known as Sat-Chit-Ananda or Being-Consciousness-Bliss.

"As we evolve spiritually, the Godward magnetised soul draws to itself divine influences - deities, teachers or experiences - to aid its inner unfoldment. Our soul's magnetism, which is its power of love, brings us into various relationships and links us with other souls who further our soul quality and help us grow.

"The power of soul magnetism is the basis of the yogic emphasis of the guru (spiritual teacher) and satsanga (communion with the wise).

"Yet sometimes the soul draws us to people or situations that test it and challenge its growth as well, just as an advanced mountain climber will seek difficult slopes to climb."

All Risk, No Gain

Only when faced with the critical decision of 'All risk, No gain' does the degree of love and dedication become apparant.

I surprise even myself by how much I love you.

For you I may lose my reputation, and the affection of my family and those I have considered my friends. The place I have considered my home may thus become estranged to me. But none of it really matters. All I care about is that I should not see a frown on your beautiful, moon-like face.

I stand to lose everything to provide what you require. I am willing to make this sacrifice without a moment's consideration; there is no question - if this is the necessity, I consider it my duty and I will execute it with my deepest affection and without a tinge of remorse. Whatever I should stand to lose, it is actually worthless, because you are my all in all.

But if in trying to serve you I also stand to lose your affection? Then still I must make my attempt to serve your benefit, though I may die of a broken heart in the process.

Mother and child; Romeo and Juliet; Guru and disciple; God and devotee... untainted love.

In Indian tradition we give honour by placing our head at the feet of a respected person, whereas placing our own feet over the head of a person is considered an offense to them. The Vedic scriptures utilise this custom to present some fine examples of the highest degrees of self-forgetfulness in the name of love, the highest spiritual ideal.

In the Srimad Bhagavatam we find the Supreme Lord Krsna as a cowherd boy, feigning a headache. He is claiming that only the footdust of his devotees can cure him. Nobody wants to offer their footdust for Krsna's head, fearing eternal hell as a result of this great offensive action. But the Braja-Gopis, the milk damsels, do not care for that, "We do not know if we are devotees, but take it!" Their only consideration is that their beloved Krishna's headache is gone and that he is feeling happy again.

Again in the Chaitanya Charitamrta we find that when the golden Avatar Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu fell asleep in the doorway, his personal servant Govinda stepped over his Lord to massage his feet and thus render service, but not again to leave the room in order to appease his own hunger and satisfy his tongue and belly.

We are as safe as we are sincere... because love is above mercy, and mercy is above justice. And true Love knows no separate, localised interest.

Dog Eat Dog in a Dog's Life!

Five cute puppies were born to Sundari this season. Sundari was just one of the many skinny, flea-ridden strays, until she wandered into the compound of our community about three years ago. Now she is the only dog in the area that has a name.

Affection is something most dogs in India simply do not know. A dog is considered one of the lowest and dirtiest life forms, and the vast majority are forced to scavenge for a living, dying young from disease or brutal fights over food or territory.

The sickening image of that dog... a patch of raw flesh to the bone instead of an ear... returns to mind.

But these puppies are fortunate. They will not have to grow to be so tough, I think, while I watch them from my window as they play on a pile of small rocks used by the builders.

One finds a larger stone and takes possession of it, inviting the others to steal it away if they dared... little growls warning of his superiority, yet continuously teasing.

Another manages to playfully trick him into letting go of the stone then, picking it up himself, he takes off with it. The first puppy takes chase.

Suddenly they both stop. I cannot see why. The clever one drops the stone. He looks shocked. He whimpers in pain. He turns and limps away, looking sorry for himself.

The one who had been out-done makes for the rock, looking pleased with himself.

It dawns on me... and I relate to the shock and sorrow...

He had been bitten. By his own brother.

I realise that it is not quite circumstance, but Nature, that dictates.

Sadly, it sure is a dog-eat-dog world.

Pairs

It is a strange dynamic, that exchange of energy that fulfills.

What draws people together? What pushes them apart? Personalities are living and growing and developing, needs are always changing, and so do relationships.

While relationships may last from a few moments to a lifetime, roles may be ever-changing.

By exposing some personal nature and sharing time, the mellow with a business client changed to friendship, with the introduction of affection and attachment. As brother and sister we found solace in each other's understanding of our views about life and the world, sometimes verging on the teacher-student situation when one's experience surpassed the other's in a particular field. Sometimes I could be as his mother, sometimes as his daughter.

Then a misunderstanding brought about disappointment that could only be experienced by lovers, such intimate affection was there although that exchange had never come by... and then again, we became like strangers.

Days passed. A tall, dark stranger caught my eye, and soon we were lost in words. Much later, he was still holding my hand. So comfortably natural it was, I had barely noticed. We complemented each other, two became one... until cultural circumstance dictated that our affections could remain only on a friendly level, but one that would last.

Any two individuals, a unique relationship.

In Sanskrit, the term rasa refers to the degree of intimacy and sweetness of relationship with the Divine (shanta - peaceful, dasya - servitude, sakhya - friendship, vatsalya - parental or madhurya - conjugal).

It is clear that fragments of rasa are reflected in every relationship experienced in this world, because we are sparks of that eternal flame, the Original Source, cause of all. 'Made in the image of God,' we are similar in quality though not in magnitude.

While it is natural that we are attracted to experiencing these mellows in the here and now, bound as we are by space and time, impermanent is their nature, nobody can deny this fact.

It is said that the Eternal, Krsna (He that is irresistably attractive to all souls) is the origin and reservoir of all rasa to the infinite degree... yet how hard it is for us to realise, and feel!

Thus we continue to search the light and warmth of a candle instead of journeying to the sun.